Monday, April 9, 2007

Letting go is the hardest thing....

Well, its been quite a few interesting days since my last post. I have learned more life lessons, a few the hard way, and it seems like I have to learn all of life's lessons that way, but maybe that is just the way life is. Letting go is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, without a doubt. This is quite a statement considering some of the things I've done and places I have been. Having to just let someone go, and say"There is nothing more I can do" is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. But, I have held onto this for so much longer than I should have. I have to let it go, it's the only way for me to stay sane. One amazing thing to me is how easy it is for one addict to pull another recovering addict back in. The picture in my mind of it is of all the souls in hell, trying to pull down that one soul that keeps fighting to get out. It seems to me that it's necessary in recovery to reach down every now and then and pull someone out, someone who wants to get out but just needs a hand. However, every time you do, you run the risk of being pulled back in yourself. Thats just the way I see it anyways. Im trying to figure out the way to balance this out, trying to help someone into recovery without getting sucked back into addiction. Maybe I am just not far enough into recovery yet to really do any good at this. Anyways, the girl is seriously killing herself every day, over and over again. It breaks my heart and my soul, and I have been worried that it will affect my sobriety because I care about her so much. I feel like I have to let her go, because my sobriety is more important than anything, for myself and for my children. However it's easier said than done. I will let her go though, because I have to. However should I hear her yelling, fighting to get out of the bottomless pit, I will more than likely turn around and give her a hand.

24 comments:

Tracy Lewis said...

Guess you wouldn't be able to help her anyway if you weren't standin' on solid enough ground - you'd both fall right back in, eh?

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

I very rarely speak to new men in meetings as they cannot help getting ? hooked onto female attention. it actually harms them in my opinion, so i direct them to men that can help them. this woman stands a better chance of getting sober if she gets help from other women. there's just too much bullshit agenda going on between lonely lost -soul newcomers and opposite sex aa'er's, even when you try really hard to avoid it. I used to get really irrational crushes on men in aa when i was new, so i know how impressionable people are who are new. I suffered quite a lot as a result of those misplaced crushes, so that's why I do not invite the same response from men who are new by befriending them. just because she is latching on to you, doesn't mean it is in her best interests to do that. whatever. that's just my perspective based on how i used to feel when I was new. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Why not look for a new guy to help instead? There are always LOADS of newcomers to pick from. Well it seems that way here anyway.

thejunkyswife said...

That image of the souls in hell pulling on the escaping one is so perfect...I'm going to steal it...just so you know, you're going to be intellectually robbed at some point in the future!

I'll be back to read more. You've got some good, honest stuff here.

abbiegrrl said...

I love the visual of souls pulling each other back into HEll. I heard an analogy in some 12 step group about how crab-fishing is like that: if you have 1 crab, you have to put a lid on the bucket, but if you have 2...then ya don't. SO GOOD.
Reckon the crab outside just has to keep talking to the "crab H.P"....

Suicidal_ Exasperation said...

I love your blog... It's amazingly honest... Keep writng. I have one of my own...

MICKY said...

About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staffs were very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th September 1994, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages [England & Australia]. God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].
THE 12 STEPS DOWN TO Hell
I imagine 12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with this evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was saved through the power of Jesus Christ. He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight. I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has destroyed their individuality & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda. I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one never recovers'. I beg you people who are in 12 Step programs, to get out before it is too late.
How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.
Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given. Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:
Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him.
Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [bedpan]. Can you see what is happening to you? Ask Jesus to take control of your lives, read the Bible & instead of 12 Step groups, go to Church. Burn your Big Book or use it as toilet paper. Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court”?
Peace Be With You
Micky

Sam said...

Hey there! I'm Sam, one of the many who Micky graced in his list. Please pardon my putting the same comment on your site that I've put on so many others.

I've copied his list (with some omission of content!) and posted in on my site, www.raanch.com. You might want to take a look, for there are 82 blogs listed there. You're bound to find a new friend to follow. Also, I'm offering to everyone the code to put the same list in a post on their site. Lastly, there's a non-link to Micky's site, where folks can post a thank you to him for his service. After all, he really helped us out by compiling this list!

Take good care!
Sam

MICKY said...

CULT OF NECROPHILIA:
by Devin Sexson

Alcoholics Anonymous is a "cult of necrophilia." I am not saying here that there is some kind of bizarre sexual ritual involving dead bodies in AA meetings. What this means is that there is a fascination with death. The cult revolves around death. I remember when I went to AA I would here the common statement, something to the effect of, "I felt terrible earlier today, then I went to a meeting and now I feel just great!"


I wondered why I never felt great after a meeting. Meetings usually had no effect on me but often I found them down right creepy. Why? Because I am not a necrophiliac, I don't get off on sitting around talking about how we will die of alcoholism if we don't ingest this religious crap.


But the creepiness goes a little deeper than that. In order for the cult to function some members must die from alcoholism. Those members who "cannot or will not" resign themselves to the religio-fascist structure of the cult can only be of value to the cult if they are:
1. Constantly relapsing.
2. Dead.


Consider these examples:
All of us in A.A. know the tremendous happiness that is in our sobriety, but there are also tragedies. My sponsor, Jackie, was one of these. He brought in many of our original members, yet he himself could not make it and died of alcoholism.
-- The Big Book, 3rd Edition, page 239.


After being dry two weeks and sticking close to Jackie, all of a sudden I found I had become the sponsor of my sponsor, for he was suddenly taken drunk. I was startled to learn that he had only been off the booze for a month or so himself when he brought me the message!
-- The Big Book, 3rd Edition, page 245.


The Boston group provided us with a fresh wonder and a big heartbreak, too. Its founder could never get sober himself and he finally died of alcoholism. Paddy was just too sick to make it. Slip followed slip, but he came back each time to carry A.A.'s message, at which he was amazingly successful. Time after time the group nursed him back to life. Then came the last bender, and that was it. This very sick man left behind him a great group and a triple-A rating for valor. His first two successes, Bert C. and Jennie B., carry on to this day.
-- Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age, William G. Wilson, page 96.


AA was already established in South Africa when Marty arrived, with a ready pool of interested and willing citizens. It had been started in that country by a relapsing alcoholic, "Johnny Appleseed." He was a gifted businessman and highly successful proponent of AA, but he could not stay sober. Regardless, wherever he traveled and got drunk and sobered up, he left literature about AA.
-- A Biography of Mrs. Marty Mann: The First Lady of Alcoholics Anonymous, Sally Brown and David R. Brown, page 224.


What is wrong with this picture? Why are these men sacrificing their own lives for the good of the cult? These are clear, unmistakable examples of how the cult values conversion more than sobriety, and more than the life and well-being of the individual.

I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD

MICKY said...

The Alcoholics Anonymous program has borrowed from medicine, psychiatry, and religion. It has taken from these what it wanted and combined them into the program which it considers best suited to the alcoholic mind and which will best help the alcoholic to recover.

The results have been very satisfactory. We do not try to improve on the A.A. program. Its value has been proved by the success it has had in helping thousands of alcoholics to recover.

It has everything we alcoholics need to arrest our illness. Do I try to follow the A.A. program just as it is?

Response:
Borrowed from medicine huh? Yes it borrowed the delusional rambling of Bill Wilson’s ass doctor who made a wild guess that maybe he had an allergy.

Lets see the roots of psychiatry ...the fathers of psychiatry were occultists and humanists who decided that anyone who believed in a higher power were nuts.

Yes, AA is a religion all right, it’s called PAGANISM.

Alcoholic mind? Once again nothing scientific to back up such claims...more invented crap - courtesy of the BIG BOOK.

Yes its helped thousands.... That would be about it. Why don’t you mention the millions of lives AA has destroyed?

If you follow the program just as it is, you too can become a mental midget trapped in a CULT for the rest of your life.

Don’t forget to mention the fact that he (Bill Wilson) couldn’t overcome his own habits with his own program. He smoked until the day he died...from emphysema. He was also a sex addict who cheated on his wife habitually.

I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.

MICKY said...

There is absolutely no scientific foundation to the notion that some people have an allergy to alcohol. An allergy (more properly speaking – hypersensitivity) is a well-defined medical condition where the body produces antibodies in response to an antigen.

A detailed description can be found in wikipedia.en.wikipedia.org
No scientific researcher has ever found any human who produces antibodies in response to alcohol.

I, MICKY, AM THE LIVING FOUNDATION STONE OF THE CHURCH.

MICKY said...

How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to Satan (AA). The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible.

I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.

Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given.

Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:

Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first.

Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him.
Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [BEDPAN].

Can you see what is happening to you? Ask Jesus to take control of your life, read the BIBLE & instead of 12 Step groups (AA), go to CHURCH. Burn your BIG BOOK or use it as TOILET PAPER.


Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never RECOVER, but with John 3:16, you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court”?

I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.

MICKY said...

TWELVE STEPS AWAY FROM CHRIST:
Mr. Bill Wilson, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) and creator of the twelve step program. Mr. Wilson was heavily influenced by demons. Chapter sixteen (p. 275f) of 'Pass It On' The Story of Bill Wilson and how the A.A.

message reached the world records Mr. Wilson's use of the ouija board, participation in seances, psychic events, "spook sessions", table levitation, and how he would receive "messages" from "discarnate" spirits.

Bill Wilson was clearly in contact with demons, and this is the man who created the deceptive twelve step program. Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. (step #11. Emphasis added.)

The last part of this statement ("as we understood Him") is enough to damn your soul! God says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5).

This is the exact opposite of "God as we understood Him." All men, according to Romans 1:18-32, are condemned before God, because they rely upon their own understanding (Romans 1:21; Ephesians 4:18, "having their understanding darkened"), and they create (in their own darkened minds) a god of their own making (Romans 1:23).

To encourage people to turn their "lives over to the care of God as we understood Him", is to encourage people to "turn their lives over to a god of their own making" (i.e. according to their own understanding).

This promotes nothing more than spiritual death (Revelation 22:15). In addition, these twelve steps are a deceitful attack against the saving work of the Lord Jesus Christ (i.e. they are against Christ, antichrist, 2 John 7; Colossians 2:8-10).

The twelve steps are (as Mr. Wilson used them) given as an answer (a way) in which one can overcome sin (with Mr. Wilson's case, the sin of drunkenness). Jesus Christ is the ONLY answer for sin. He is the only way (John 14:6).

There is only ONE "step", and that is faith in the Savior (Ephesians 2:8/Matthew 1:21/John 8:36/Romans10:13)!

The above exemplifies the "twelve steps" are what are used to "become free from addictive, compulsive" behavior (i.e. sin). In other words, the twelve steps are the savior! No doubt it is deceptive, because "Biblical principles" are interwoven throughout; but if they weren't, few (if any) would be deceived.

One good question to ask would be, "Where does Scripture talk about any 'twelve steps'"? The answer? Nowhere! These twelve steps come from Satan (via Bill Wilson), who is the master deceiver (Revelation 12:9).

Remember, Satan used Scripture to tempt Christ (Matthew 4:6), and Balaam spoke much truth (Numbers 23-24); but he was a false prophet (2 Peter 2:15-16/Numbers 22). In Matthew 7:13-14 Jesus warned, Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.

Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. Jesus likewise warned in Luke 13:24, Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able.

I, MICKY, AM THE TRUTH & BEAUTY THAT SURROUNDS THE LORD.

MICKY said...

AA AND RAPE
www.morerevealed.com/library/rfhorror/rfhorror2.jsp
www.peele.net/lib/twelve.html
www.geocities.com/drugsandalcoholinfo/webpagesandpapers/insideaawebpagewebpage.htm
www.unhooked.com/booktalk/12_step_horror_stories.htm
www.morerevealed.com/library/rfhorror/rfhorrorintro.jsp
http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/lookupid?key=olbp38901

"Thirteenth-stepping" is a euphemistic term used among members of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to refer to people (particularly men) who target new, more vulnerable members (typically women) for dates or sex. Previous research suggests that women frequently experience sexual harassment in AA meetings and even in chemical dependency treatment settings.

The objective of this survey study is to describe the frequency of various 13th-stepping experiences in a sample of women involved in AA., Fifty-five women, aged 17-72 years, completed an anonymous survey to describe their experiences with 13th-stepping by men in AA. Results showed that at least 50% of the participants had at least occasionally experienced seven of the thirteen 13th-stepping behaviors listed in the survey.

Also, compared to women who had never attended a female-only AA group, women who had attended such groups reported more 13th-stepping experiences from their attendance at coed groups.

Two of the study participants volunteered that men they met in AA had raped them., It is important that chemical dependency treatment providers be aware of 13th-stepping in AA, particularly when treating women. Especially vulnerable women, such as those with histories of sexual abuse.

When women's groups are unavailable, women should be adequately prepared to protect themselves from 13th-stepping.

I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.

MICKY said...

Another wake up call for STEPPERS professing Christ.

This is interesting, especially for those Christians who are attending AA.

2John 7-11
7 For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist.
8 Look to yourselves, that we lose not those things, which we have wrought, but that we receive a full reward.
9 Whosoever abides not in the doctrine of Christ hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son.
10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed:
11 For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.

AA denies Christ & the STEPPERS who claim to be Christian are participating in it.... AA too is participating in the doctrine of the anti-Christ.


I, MICKY, AM ONE OF GOD’S MARVELOUS DEEDS THAT MAKES IT KNOWN TO ALL THE NATIONS

MICKY said...

12-Step Horror Stories:
True Tales of Misery, Betrayal, and Abuse in AA, NA and 12-Step Treatment, edited by Rebecca Fransway

Reviewed by Jackie J.

The Introduction, Foreword, and Preface contain a great deal of anti-AA editorial commentary. The basic points are that AA is bad for some (or most) people and that people who contradict the belief-systems of AAers are demonized. Pro-AA individuals who are easily offended might want to skip the introductory material. The horror stories themselves are fascinating reads and only a few had an entirely negative view of AA. Even avid 12-steppers should find something of value and little to resent in most of these stories.

Some stories are very detailed, chapter-length tales of 13-stepping and compulsory AA-attendance. Other stories are no more than a few paragraphs long. Each writer clearly has an independent and unique perspective on their AA experiences. Most names were changed to protect the innocent, although some writers insisted that their names be proudly displayed.

Each story-teller drew a unique conclusion from their experience. The differing opinions treated the subject with a basic fairness that was much more open-minded and even-handed than the title suggests. Every writer was clear that they were writing solely about their own experience and most insisted that they did not intend that the reader jump to conclusions about the organization as a whole.

Some contributers were primarily interested in reforming AA and fixing AA's internal problems by opening a healthy dialog within meetings, making newcomers aware of stalkers within the organization, and limiting the authority of old-timers (who may be more interested in protecting their friends and/or their egos than supporting the organization). They were motivated by a desire to create a better environment for those seeking recovery.

Some people protested the systematic sexism or racism they encountered in the organization. One mentioned the lack of tolerance for non-Judeo-Christian religious preferences. Male and female alcoholics are clearly held to different standards of behavior in many AA groups.

Others told of the shock they experienced when they were admitted into treatment centers and realized that they were in an abusive (or religious) environment that they were unprepared to cope with. They related how they and their families were pressured into accepting a pro-forma explanation of their troubles. Most of the writers' scorn was reserved for treatment centers and the counselors (most often characterized as deranged) who ran them.

Some stories dealt with suicides and other destructive behaviors that AA members were driven to when they were denied the support of the group for some actual or philosophical conflict with the organization. Several instances had to do with people being encouraged to quit taking prescribed medications for mental illnesses in order to become authentically "sober" according to the standards of their group.

Very few readers insisted that they would not refer a friend to AA after their experiences, although most of them were emphatic that they themselves would not return to "those rooms" again. Several had discovered alternate methods of treatment, others felt that they had taken charge of their lives and recovery sufficiently to no longer need the support of a group to maintain their sobriety.

The differing points of view and perspectives of the contributors gives lie to the myth that all alcoholics are alike.

These story-tellers all tell another story - the story of their resilience and commitment to sobriety regardless of the obstacles. Interestingly enough, most of them arrived at a desire to act to change their circumstances and found the courage to speak out about the injustices they suffered in AA after four or five years of sobriety.
www.unhooked.com/booktalk/12_step_horror_stories.htm

I, MICKY, AM THE LORD'S LIGHT & SALVATION FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

MICKY said...

THE SACRED BULL:

I imagine 12 STEPPERS have sold their souls to the devil. Fortunately, I was saved through the power of Jesus Christ, but for many years had been exposed to the evil “satanic cult” (Alcoholics Anonymous) Wilson (AA) has prostituted himself & deluded millions (12 Step Groups) by worshipping the god Moloch (Ba’al the Sacred Bull). It all started with his (Wilson) “drug induced hallucination”….

Here are references to seances and other psychic events….

Bill would…”get” these things …long sentences, word by word would come through….” (22)

, he asked for guidance….The words began tumbling out with astonishing speed….(23)

So A.A.’s 12 Steps were actually received verbatim from the demonic world. It is not surprising, then, that the effect of A.A. upon many of its members is to lead them into occult involvement. In 1958, Wilson wrote to Sam Shoemaker,

Throughout A.A., we find a large amount of psychic phenomena, nearly all of it spontaneous. Alcoholic after alcoholic tells me of such experiences… run nearly the full gamut of everything we see in the books.

In addition to my original mystical experience, I’ve had a lot of such phenomenalism myself.(24)

Wilson’s “original mystical experience” was his alleged “conversion” –a classic occult encounter: “Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. I was caught up into an ecstasy…it burst upon me that I was a free man…a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, ‘So this is the God of the preachers! ‘ A great peace stole over me….”(25)

This was not the “God of the preachers” but the one who transforms himself “into an angel of light” (2 Cor 1l:l4) - a light that often transforms those involved in the occult. The experience was so profound that Wilson never touched alcohol again. Satan would he more than willing to deliver a man from alcoholism in this life if thereby he could ensnare him for eternity and inspire him to lead millions to the same destruction!

Wilson joined the Oxford Group and regularly attended its meetings at Calvary Church (NY), pastored by Episcopalian Sam Shoemaker. Shoemaker urged his hearers to “accept God however they might conceive of him….”(26) Here was the origin of Step 3’s “God as we understood him.”

God does not respond to those who call upon false gods. Jesus said, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (Jn 17:3). God’s judgment comes upon them “that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Thes 1:8).

I will set my face against that man & his family & will cut off from their people both him & all who follow him in prostituting themselves to Molech. I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums & spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, & I will cut him off from his people. (Leviticus 20: 5, 6)

Moloch the God Ba’al, the Sacred Bull, was widely worshipped in the ancient Near East and wherever Carthaginian culture extended. Baal Moloch was conceived under the form of a calf or an ox or depicted as a man with the head of a bull.

Hadad, Baal or simply the King identified the god within his cult. The name Moloch is not the name he was known by among his worshippers, but a Hebrew Moloch (in the Septuagint Greek translation of the Old Testament), or Molech (Hebrew), is no different than the word Melech or king, transformed by interposing the vowels of bosheth or ’shameful thing’. translation. The written form. He is sometimes also called Milcom in the Old Testament.


I, MICKY, AM THE TRUTH & BEAUTY THAT SURROUNDS THE LORD.

MICKY said...

CANCEROUS GROWTH:
I imagine AA to be a cancerous growth in our society. I'm a recovered alcoholic who has been sober for over 22 years. I've seen this "cult" virtually destroy people where they become these Bill & Bob zombies devoid of any emotion.

I imagine most of the Steppers are not dealing with their core issues and become addicted to the "droning Bill & Bob heads" who pop up and expel meaningless diatribe from their mouths.

Alcoholism is the only "disease" one doesn't recover from & one is continually confessing ones non - existent sins, which intensify the guilt and fear when one is not at a meeting (indoctrination session).

I imagine AA meetings numb and shutdown the critical thinking section of ones brain. I know a guy who has been sober for over 30 years and I imagine him to be quite mad - he doesn't even know what he's feeling most of the time apart from feeling depressed.

I imagine AA to be the road to hell and that it's anti - Christ and the Steppers sell their souls to the "cult", because they are too terrified to face their “demons” & recover their true selves. That "inner child" who is waiting to be freed is slowly pushed down until it disappears into oblivion. That "child" is God! "Unless you become like little children...." "The kingdom of God is within you!"

I hear things like; "I need to do the Steps!" "I need more meetings!" "I had cancer or my wife died or I lost my job!" "But! Guess what! I didn't pick up a drink".

They might as well say; "I fell of my chair but I didn’t pick up a drink”! "Meaningless”! Why? Because one is not expressing ones feelings! Ones process is all about feelings! How does one recover if one doesn’t feel ones pain, fear, & shame & understand that these feelings, especially if they are overwhelming; are feelings, from ones childhood.

All AA does is suppress these feelings until one ends up a semi - depressed zombie like the lunatic who has been sober for over 30 years. Can you see how dangerous this "cult" is?

A madman, Bill Wilson, started it and if you want to end up like him, keep going to meetings. The sure way to insanity is "Meetings!" "Meetings!" "Meetings!"

I, MICKY, AM A GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE.

MICKY said...

I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ANY CAUSE OR REASON TO BE ASHAMED TO LOVE JESUS.

Is not the time coming, and the day hastening, when covetous men shall be ashamed of loving the world, and voluptuous men ashamed of loving their pleasures, and ambitious men ashamed of loving their honors?

For is it not a horrid shame, that a rational creature should be such a sot as to love sin which is most loathsome, and not to love Jesus who is most lovely? to love deformity, and not beauty?

Oh shame, shame! It is a shame that sin should have such esteem, and Jesus such great contempt put upon him. But shame shall before long confound these now shameless wretches, when they shall cry out, "We are ashamed that we loved profits, and not Jesus- houses, lands, lusts, and not Jesus.

This is the confusion of our faces, and shame covers us-- that we should be so foolish, and so blind, that we had not sense, nor reason, to distinguish between sin, which is the greatest and most odious evil, and Jesus who is the greatest and most lovely good." But the time will never come, the day will never be, that a gracious soul shall be ashamed of his sincere love to Jesus Christ.

I love you, Granny! Do you love me?

I, MICKY, AM AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE TO ALL PEOPLE.

MICKY said...

SOUND OF SOBRIETY:
Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk crap again,
An AA meeting softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the 12 Steps that were planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of sobriety.

In restless meetings I walked alone
Bill Wilson Clones, made of stone
Neath the halo of an OLD TIMER,
I turned my collar to the 1st and 3rd Step
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
That split the night
And touched the sound of sobriety.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand STEPPERS, maybe more.
STEPPERS reading the BIG BOOK,
STEPPERS hearing without listening,
STEPPERS writing their 4th STEP
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of sobriety.

Zombies said I, you do not know
Sobriety like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might BRAINWASH you,
Take my arms that I might 13th Step you.
But my words like the higher power fell,
And echoed
In the halls of sobriety

And the STEPPERS ranted and raved
To the AA god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, KEEP COMING BACK
IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT
And the 12 STEP ZOMBIES.
Whispered in the sounds of sobriety.

I, MICKY, AM THE LORD'S LIGHT & SALVATION FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

MICKY said...

BILL WILSON'S PACT WITH SATAN:

From Bill's Story:
Co - founder of AA, Bill Wilson's story has been in every edition of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory.

To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching -- most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.

My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"

That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.

It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!

Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.

The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me. For a brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me -- and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been.

At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens.

There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.

These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden
and profound.

For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as I talked.

Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it. Anything is better than the way you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences. He knows that they are real.

While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others.

There is no mention of JESUS CHRIST in the BIG BOOK or the 12 STEPS. Wilson was used by SATAN to delude millions of people.

John 3:16 (chapter 3, verse 16 of the Gospel of John) is one of the most widely quoted verses from the Christian Bible. It has been called the "Bible in a nutshell" because it is considered a summary of some of the most central doctrines of traditional Christianity:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.

A typical interpretation of the verse might go as follows:
· For God so loved the world... - God is a God of love and this love motivates his action in the rest of the verse
· ...that he gave... - there was God giving something, his son as a sacrifice
· ...his only begotten[1] Son... - the human Jesus of Nazareth is also the Son of God, and also the Second Person of the Trinity
· ...that whosoever... - that salvation is open to all who will believe
· ...believeth... - being saved is based on belief or faith, rather than based on human works.
· ...in Him... - the belief being in Jesus, the Saviour
· ...should not perish... - implies the fate of those who do not believe, that is the doctrine of hell
· ...but have everlasting life. - shows the reward of those who believe, that is the doctrine of heaven.

I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.

MICKY said...

AA DENIES JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD, WHO DIED ON A CROSS FOR MANKIND'S SIN.

"Agents For Satan"

A REASON A SEASON A LIFETIME
AAWAKENINGS
ALCOHOLIC BRAIN
ANONYMOUS ALCOHOLIC
ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
BIG SKY MAACK
BLUE'S THOUGHTS
COFFEE BITCH
DRAGON SPEAK
FLOWERDAVES PAGES
FROM THE FIRST CHAKRA (MSB)
HIGHER POWERED
I'M JUST F.I.N.E.
INMATEZ WIFE
IT'S A GIRL THING
LUSH FOR LIFE
MY JOURNEY TO RECOVERY
MY LIFE IN TAMPA
NO COMMENT
OUTRIGHT MENTAL DEFECTIVE
POSTCARDS FROM CUPCAKE MONKEY
RAANCH
RECOVERY ROAD
RIDIN' ON THE WAGON
SCOUT'S NEWCOMER DAZE
SIMPLY ANNA
SOBER CHICK
SOBER MOM
SOBER NUGGETS
SOBERING THOUGHTS
SOBERINSANITY
STAY AT HOME MOTHERDOM
STAYING STRAIGHT EDGE
THIS UNMANAGEABLE LIFE
THY WILL, NOT MINE
TODAAY
TWELVEBEADS
TWO DOGS BLOGGING
YOU AND ME ARE FLOATING...

MICKY said...

HOW IT SUCKS:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who thoroughly followed us home. Those who are not BRAINWASHED are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this garbage, usually men and women who are constitutionally capable of thinking for themselves.

There are such fortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born premature. They are naturally capable of building and developing muscles, which demands rigorous training. Their chances are 6/4 on.

There are those, too, who are gravediggers and undertakers, but many of them do become ZOMBIES if they have the capacity to be dishonest.

Our stories disclose in a twisted way, who we like, what happened, and who we hate now. If you have decided you want a cup of tea and are willing to go to any lengths to become emotionally shutdown, SHAPE SHIFTING REPTILES - then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked, we thought we could find someone to 13th Step. And we realised, we could. With all the madness at our command, we beg of you to become Bill Wilson Clones - from the very start.

Some of us have tried to hold on to our BIG BOOKS and the result was nil until we let go of our SPONSORS.

Remember that we deal with alcohol, frothy, bubbly, and powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power that one is the BARMAN. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the bar. We asked the BARMAN for a couple of stiff wodka's.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program to INSANITY:
1.We admitted we were powerless over Coca - Cola, and decided to drink Pepsi, instead.
2.Came to believe that Cold Power was a detergent.
3.Made a decision to turn our heads when we saw an attractive blonde.
4.Did a body search of the new members.
5.Admitted to our DOG, to elves, and to another super being the exact nature of our songs.
6.Were entirely ready to have SUPERMAN remove the effects of kryptonite.
7.Humbly asked CLARK KENT to remove our brains.
8.Made a list of all persons who owed us money, and became willing to charge them interest.
9.Made direct hits wherever possible, except when someone moved the target.
10.Continued to talk crap and when we were wrong, promptly talked more crap.
11.Sought through our mail and computer to improve our conscious contact with BATMAN, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of ROBIN and the return of SPIDERMAN.
12.Having had a stroke as the result of these steps, we tried to carry out the garbage, and fell flat on our backs.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain their homes and 13th Step the newcomers, at the same time.

We are not psychopaths. The point is, that we are willing to become psychotic. The principles we have set down are guides to psychosis. We claim that Bill Wilson was a psychopath.

Our description of the landscape, the chapter to the Gnostic, and our family photos before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were ugly and could not manage our own appearance.
(b) That probably no photographer could have improved our looks.
(c) That a PLASTIC SURGEON could and would if he were sought.

I, MICKY, AM A GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE.

John Lynch said...

Congratulations on being sober. It's an amazing accomplishment and you should be extremely proud.

Larry
California Sober Living

Elizabeth R. said...

I really love your blog. Letting go, especially of people, is hard. I can relate. Check out my blog, www.countingdays.org. I'm countingdays and have 77. Follow me and/or contribute a few words of wisdom on the page on Spiritual Experiences. I’d love to hear your experience with a higher power! Thanks!
Elizabeth
www.countingdays.org